Written by Andrew Murray, Former Secondary Principal, Director Lumina Wellbeing Strategy
Around this time of year, things often start to feel a bit more intense. More pressure. More expectations. And, if you are in the Southern Hemisphere, a little less daylight as well. Then there is the cost of things. Fuel. Groceries. The quiet uncertainty that seems to sit in the background of it all. It can feel heavy.
Here is what I have been noticing. Even in the middle of the struggle, there are still good things happening. Small moments of connection, purpose, even quiet joy. They are easy to miss, but they are worth holding on to. That is where flourishing still lives.
A friend of mine shared an image with me recently, and it stopped me in my tracks. It was simple. A jar, filled right to the top, with cracks beginning to show. Underneath it were the words, “You keep giving from what you have not refilled.”
I sat with that for a while.
If I am honest, that is how a lot of us are living. We keep pouring out our time, our energy, our attention, thinking we will catch up later. Thinking there will be a moment where things slow down and we can refill. But that moment rarely arrives on its own.
And this is where it gets real. Because it is not just work, is it? For many of us, the day does not end when we leave school. It shifts. We move into caring for children, supporting family, managing a home, being present to the people we love. These are good things. They matter deeply. But they still draw from the same jar.
The challenge is not choosing between work and life. It is recognising that all of it sits together, and it all draws from the same limited energy.
Which is why boundaries matter.
Not as a productivity idea, but as something deeply human. Boundaries are about protecting what matters so that we can keep showing up well over time. Without them, we do not become more generous. We become stretched, reactive, and eventually depleted.
The hard part, of course, is that boundaries are not just practical. They are emotional. Saying no can feel uncomfortable. It can feel like letting people down, or not being enough. But avoiding that discomfort does not protect us. It slowly drains us. Real courage here is quiet. It is choosing honesty over ease, and sustainability over approval.
I have been working with a number of schools recently, and the pattern is consistent. People are tired. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. There is a sense of always being “on”. Always available. Always carrying something for someone else. And the space to just be, without expectation, feels like it has disappeared.
If I am honest, this has been a slow lesson for me too. I have spent years leaning towards saying yes, wanting to help, wanting to be available. It looks generous on the surface, but it comes at a cost. A friend said something to me a while back that landed hard. “You cannot burn out again.” That was not dramatic. It was true.
Since then, I have had to rethink how I hold my time and energy.
That jar image has stayed with me. Your time, your attention, your emotional capacity all sit inside it. It is finite. Whether we like it or not, there is only so much in there. Boundaries are what protect that jar. Without them, everything just pours out to whoever or whatever demands it.
So start here.
What is taking the most from my jar right now?
Where am I saying yes when I need to pause?
What could I push back on, even slightly?
Where could I ask for support?
Do not overcomplicate this. Boundaries do not have to be big or dramatic. In fact, the small ones are often the most powerful.
I remember one teacher telling me the only way he could switch off was to go surfing. He had to put himself in the ocean, away from his phone, to create real distance from work. Another leader set an out-of-office over the weekend, not because the work stopped, but because it gave her permission to stop.
These are not grand gestures. They are small, deliberate acts of self-respect.
That is what boundaries really are. Not shutting people out, but choosing what we let in so we can stay present to what matters most.
If you are feeling stretched right now, choose one thing. One boundary. One honest conversation. One moment where you protect your energy instead of giving it away. Flourishing is not built in ideal conditions. It is built in these small, quiet decisions, repeated over time.
For now, protect your jar. That is the work.
And if you are around in May, I will be speaking in Brisbane at the Wellbeing for Future Focused Schools Conference on “The Anti 5am Club.” It connects directly to this idea of how we live and lead well without running ourselves into the ground.
Kia kaha, kia māia, kia manawanui.
Andrew is speaking at the Wellbeing for Future Focused Schools Conference on ‘The Anti 5am Club‘.